In  life, there are many things we can't control and a lot of things are far from being perfect. If this post ever made it to this space, then I have finally broken the jinx of fear and self-doubt. When I started my blog in March, I had a goal, and that goal was to run an active blog, I just didn't want to start a blog then run away and come back after some months, I was ready to play the consistence game and always show up. But, who is talking? The same person who abandoned her blog for four months and didn't show up... lol. 

I took several steps back from blogging and the things I love to do not because I wanted to but because I had to, I had a lot going on all at once and the only thing I wanted was to be safe and sane in my space. I tried to show up, I really tried, but I stopped trying when I realized that I can't pour from an empty cup. 

But, HELLEWWWW MY NEIGHBOUR! See who we have here after four months publishing a new blog post. GLORY! 

Tweni-Tweni has been a roller coaster of different emotions, both the good and bad ones. It's been like 100 years in one, but despite all, I learnt a lot this year. Some few months ago, I was that girl who was drowning in fear, self-doubt, noises from the crowd, and the one who constantly seeks validation from people. And you know the unfortunate thing? I can't swim to save my life, so HAPPY DROWNING. 

Fear is a natural, primitive and significant emotion in our lives as humans and self-doubt is the first child of fear. At some points in our lives, we get scared of both little and big things, but how we respond to fear is what define our individualism and diversities. Some people design their fears while others build homes in it and of course, the differences in the outcomes of these two people cannot be over-emphasized as it is so glaring, yeah? The fear that fuels our doubts can drive us to be less productive and prevent us from taking actions that would help us and serve others. And, when self-doubts manifest, self-belief tarnishes, so then what happens to the first step towards achieving anything in life?

While on the break, I realized that I've been burning but I didn't see the smoke until I burned down into ashes. When I finally saw the ashes left, I became so angry, frustrated, tired, unhappy but how many is this life to be getting all tensed up so, I took a deep breath and calmed down.



 I sank into a deep self-reflection state and that was when I realized that I had to heal. At first, I gave myself days to let my self-loathing seep away, those few days passed but I was still lost in a viscous haze of pains and untold truths. Then I realized that healing is a gradual process, it is not a matter of how long you've been healing but a matter of healing completely. Know the illness and endeavour to heal daily. It might seem hard, but it definitely would worth it. 


In a society that profits from self-doubt, falling in love with you is a rebellious act. I was so interested in meeting me over and over again and when I finally did, I embraced every fibre of my soul. I learnt to accept me, regardless of my flaws, because if I don't, who will? I became so attached to me and that was when I got to see the good, bad and in-between sides of me and I did embrace them all because that is who I am. The moment you embrace your true and inner self, then you're ready to shut out self-doubt.


If you hear a voice within you say 'You cannot paint', then by all means paint, and the voice will be silenced.

There are a lot of voices in our heads that fuel self-doubt but the ability to filter these voices out of our soul is our superpowers. Silence your inner critic and give a voice to your dreams instead. When you feel the negative energy or voice approaching, try to distract yourself and focus on the present moment. Get engaged, focus on happy memories, think of a special person, recite the alphabets from Z-A, focus on positivity, take a break, get a favourite drink or snack. Just do anything to avoid being pulled into negativity. 


Have you ever counted your blessings? Being grateful when dealing with self-doubt will go a long way. Be grateful for the things you have and stop getting depressed over the things you do not have. Build a gratitude spirit, you owe yourself that much.


EVERYWHERE and ANYWHERE you go, no one will support you like you, no one will love you, like you, no one will ever believe in you like you. It took me so long to embrace this because I was constantly seeking validation from people. I have come to realize that, no one would ever support someone who is not ready to be his support system. And this is a quick reminder, nobody is ready to go on a journey with someone who relies on others for his or her destination. If you can't famz you, my mother's child, no one will.


I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough. I can't do it,  I can't be better than them, they are just different and lucky, ...

Stop eeetttttt. Have you ever taken the time to see that you are trying? Of course, someone will always be better at something than you but you are also better at something than someone else. Take off the I am not good enough tag and constantly remind yourself that you are trying and even if it's just one step at a time, you are still in motion.

You might be wondering what's up with that picture, that was my wallpaper for weeks because I needed to remind myself and also to believe that I'm good enough. It really helped.


Life is not a solo-adventure and no matter what, as social beings, we need others to thrive well in society, but the big question is WHO ARE THOSE IN YOUR CIRCLE? I saw the importance of having great people around during the break. The love and support I got from my family and friends were so overwhelming. They were there through thick and thin, they became my support system and my positivity tank. They were so committed to seeing me heal completely and I do not take all they did for granted. The people in your circle can either fuel your self-doubt or boost your confidence. Who are those in your circle?


What will people say? 

You see these words ehn, they have done a lot of harm than good. I have always sought validations from people and when I'm about to do something, I think of what people will say first. Their judgements became so loud that I found me sinking into it daily. This fuelled my self-doubt and I realized I had to stop it if I'm ready to boost my self-confidence. Can you relate?


I love this stage because it gives me the privilege to start all over again. Whenever I find myself going back into the black hole of emotions, I give myself a chance to repeat the whole process again. I learnt to forgive myself, accept my flaws and I stop beating myself up and I just press REPLAY. Give yourself numerous chances to be better, healthier and happier.


I totally understand the "why me" attitude you might have developed over the past few months, but here is a reassurance that you are not alone, hence the reason for this blog post. 2021 is almost here and walking into the new year with new energy and vibe is the new sexy.

 I've learnt and I'm still learning. Whenever I'm about to get pulled back again, I press REPLAY. 

HAVE YOU HAD SIMILAR EXPERIENCE? IS THERE A TIP YOU WOULD LOVE TO SHARE? I would be so glad to see you in the comment section.

Kindly click the link below to join the community:



 M.Y. Alli


  1. Be grateful♥️ Thank you memunat

  2. Self doubt is a handicap which deters our ambitions, we all must fight for our freedom from this inhibitor.
    Thanks so much for this beautiful piece ma
    I feel blessed.

    1. Words! Exactly!

      I'm glad you are. Thanks for stopping by as well.💜

  3. You are good enough, I was once in this shoe and ever since I believe no matter what or state you find yourself, you will always see people who wants to be like you or u better than. So embrace the whole of you, brace up and most esp LIVE. This is an amazing piece darling, more grease����

    1. "... and most esp LIVE." Hmm! Thanks for sharing this.
      Aamin, thank you.💜

  4. THIS...
    This is such a lovely post, and I love how you poured out your heart, because it helps other creatives to know they're not alone when they experience self-doubt. My blog has been abandoned on and off for months because of this same issue, and it is not the only part of my life that suffers. But like the tips you listed, I have found that being grateful ALWAYS helps get me out of the rut. Having supportive people who always cheer on my endeavors also helps. And besides that, I have learnt to not be so hard on myself. It is okay to take make mistakes, to take breaks to recalibrate, to live life one slow step at a time.
    Once again, this was refreshing to read, and I'm glad you have overcome your self-doubt and returned to creating.
    Cheers to that!

    1. "..., to live life one step at a time." Apt! Thanks for sharing this. And, I can't wait to see you get back to blogging.
      Thanks for stopping by!💜

  5. Yes I have had similar experience, and what I do most time is to take time and think of what I can do better. For example, if a project didn’t go as planned or a relationship didn’t workout, I try not to beat myself over it, but in the initial stage of those incidences self-doubt occur. Over the years now, I have given my self credits and I do things because I love to do it, not because someone told me to. At a point in time, I started therapy because I just felt I needed to release some pains and trauma that has occurred over a period of time to someone new and a profession. So I am advising that if you think friends or family are not able to feel your pains the way you are feeling it, therapy session is another way.

    1. Wow. Thanks for sharing this. Thanks for the great tips as well, it's really insightful.
      I'm glad you got out of the dark hole.💜


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